She Just Snapped!

The Empress had a tough day yesterday. A girl at daycare took her blanket, so she sucker punched her in the kidney. Then one of the little boys scratched her...not sure if it was intentional....and she buried her nails into his little arm and scratched him back.

This is so out of character. She is such a sweet, timid little girl when it comes to interacting with other children. She has a tendency to allow other kids to take her toys and pretty much boss her around. The little girl she hit has control issues. She is out of control. Seriously, this particular little girl is in a word (or two) a "drama queen." I have personally witnessed her behavior. She was the little girl who came to the Empress' birthday party and refused to play any games and was horribly mean to the other kids. Her poor mother, who I like, has absolutely no control over her. This is the little girl the Empress punched. I hate to say she deserved it, but she probably did. I know it was absolutely wrong for the Empress to hit her, but I think she may have just snapped. If she had done it to any other kid I would be livid, but frankly I think my girl had just finally had enough.

Not sure on the scratching incident. I don't know the story behind it. I think the Empress just really had an off day. After it all happened and she was reflecting in time out, she broke down crying and did apologize to both children.

Of course T and I both talked at length to the Empress about hitting, scratching or hurting other people. She feels horrible about the whole situation and has promised she will never do it again.

50 Years Is But A Blink Of An Eye

On March 27, 1959 a handsome young man (skinny with a nearly full head of hair) married a remarkably beautiful young woman. He told her they would wait until she turned 20, because he refused to marry a teenager. So, two days after her 20th birthday the sweethearts became man and wife.

My parents have always loved one another. They are a wonderful example of wedded bliss. Of course they have had their share of tribulations, but their love and commitment to one another have pulled them through the tough times. Today with both of them in failing or fragile health, they still take comfort in each others presence.

Tomorrow we travel to Dillon to celebrate their 50 years together. It will be low key. They want it that way. We will meet in Butte at Lydias to celebrate as a family.

Congratulations Mom and Dad!!

Happy Birthday Nana!

Today is my mom's 70th Birthday.

My mom is a beautiful person. Beautiful on the inside and out. Her strength is phenomenal. Her love is fierce. I am the luckiest girl in the world to have her in my life....as a mom and a friend.

Happy Birthday mom. I love you!

I seriously need a vacation

I don't believe I have ever, ever felt the need to leave, to be alone, by myself so strongly before. I really, really need some time alone. Get my drift...alone. Frankly, I don't think it would even have to be a deserted island in the sun, I would settle for a quiet hotel room in Spokane. Though the island in the sun is appealing.

To break it down, my Mom's hospitalization last summer and my Dad moving in with us was the beginning. I used my vacation time to travel to Missoula every opportunity I had. Then, I had managed to save some time for Christmas. The plan was that we would visit our families and then come home and spend some quality "together" time skiing, sledding, playing games and perhaps drinking cocoa. But, Dad got sick at Christmas time and we spent all of our time in Dillon or Missoula where he underwent a cardiac procedure. So, all my time was shot. Not that I regret spending the time I did with my family. I don't. Not at all. I love them.

To add to the stress, T has been gone alot. No. Let me correct....all the time. In the beginning he promised that he would only travel one week a month and that it would be from Monday to Friday. I don't believe that ever happened. It was always more than that. This month he will have been gone a total of three weeks. This puts alot of pressure on me as I have the Empress and a demanding job to contend with. Since she is in a special daycare I have to have a babysitter pick her up after daycare closes and take her home and watch her while I am at work. Any time I miss, I have to make up on the weekend.

And, we just finished moving our offices. Meaning that there is a great deal of unrest due to the upheaval. Presently we are just beginning to get things back to some normalcy.

I guess I am just tired. T is able to get away and take a break by traveling. I need a short sabatical. I adore the Empress and would miss her every moment I was gone, but I think a vacation, at this point, would make me a better mommy. I find myself snapping at her all the time. When T is home I am snapping at him as well. That part I understand a little better as I get pretty used to being home alone and when he is home for those fleeting days, it is like he is invading my space. Or, in the very least messing it up.

So I am thinking a weekend away?? That is not too much to ask, right? We could call it regrouping. I just need to regroup.

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice...

Empress: "They asked me to save the world, but I said "No" because I want to be a big sissy when I grow up."

Me: "They asked you to save the world?"

Empress: "Ya, Mom, but I said "No."

Me: "Because you want to be a big sister?"

Empress: "Yes. A big sissy for my baby."

Me: "Alright."

The Empress is very excited to be a big sister. Apparently so excited that she has decided to turn in her super hero tutu and clack-clacks and NOT save the world. As a mother I am a little disappointed, but of course want to support my daughter in her career choice.

She would have been such a great super hero.

Pop! and the bubble has burst.

International adoption is not a game for the faint of heart. It is a long, arduous journey on a bumpy road. For a couple of weeks now I have been under a delusional hope that we were close to referral. Apparently we are not. Well, I guess that is not exactly the truth because we could be close, but most probably we are not. Does it get any more wishy-washy than that?

I can't blame it on our adoption agency because it is not their fault. Of course I would have preferred a more straightforward approach and perhaps more complete answers to my questions, but I do understand their position. The truth is that we applied to adopt from Ethiopia. We were immediately contacted by the agency because we were the first family whose profile fit their newest program in Burkina Faso. The agency was up front with us in the beginning and told us that they did not have all the answers. In fact they had none of the answers. We were the first, meaning no one had gone before us. No one. Burkina Faso was a new program for the United States. They have adopted to France, but never the United States. Therefore, the process is non-existent. We are the first....the guinea pigs if you will.

So back to now...we are at the mercy of Burkina. Currently, we have all our paperwork done. We are waiting. Just waiting. It could be tomorrow, but if I was a betting person, I wouldn't bet on it. I was just informed that we were looking at anywhere between 7 months and 12, but it could happen before that. My sincere hope is that we will have our baby home by Christmas.

My scared self....

Seems we are close to referral. Or, I guess, we could be. Things have now officially entered the realm of the unknown. Since we are among the first in this program to adopt from Burkina Faso there is no one who has gone before. No one to lead the way, to tell us what and what not to expect. No time frame. This is maddening and terrifying. I am, of course, excited, and cannot wait to meet the newest member of our family. To see that beautiful face will be reward enough for the tiresome process. And, it could be any day...or not.

I have had alot of time to think. I have imagined a million what ifs. The thing that scares me the most is leaving the Empress. She will be well taken care of and I am certain that she won't miss us too much, but still I worry. What if.... What if.... Then I am increasingly worried about the process in Burkina. Will it all fall into place or will we spend our two weeks in Africa fighting through paperwork? What if we get sick while there? What if the baby is sick? So many what ifs.

Currently I take it day by day. Each day brings us one day closer. It will happen. When?? Who knows.