Last week was tough. I had a day of tortuous red-eyed, self pitying...wallowing. Lots of why mes. But, past that. If you know me then you know that I am by description, pessimistic. The classic glass half empty gal. Actually mostly glass empty gal. I used to refer to myself as an idealist, but really, honestly, pessimistic fits.
Now last week, I actually thought we would pass Court without a problem. I experienced a momentary lapse of pessimism and was positive we would pass. WHAM. Guess that is what you get when you deviate from your true self.
Honestly, pessimism has been given a bad rap. I say that because when you expect the worst then you are pleasantly surprised when things go your way. Perhaps I have never felt worthy. Sorta, why would things go MY way. Why do I deserve it. Ya know what I mean? I really tried positive thinking. I gave it a shot. But let me tell you, when you expect something to happen and it doesn't, it really, really sucks!
For now, and really everyday of my life, my fate is in God's hands. Ultimately, he is in control of my destiny. So, I give it all up to him. It is his. I am going on faith and trusting this will all work out.
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