Over The River and Through The Woods ...

To Grandmother's house we go. Well, actually to Nana and Papa's house we go. Tomorrow we are going home. Funny how I still call it that...home. It hasn't been my home for over 20 years. But, like the saying goes, "Home is where your heart is." And, my heart is in Dillon. Always has been.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I have alot to be thankful for. I am thankful for every day, every hour, every minute. I am thankful for love. For family and friends. For health and happiness. For laughter. I am truly blessed and I am forever thankful. This year I am just thankful to be spending it with my parents. I love them sooooooo much. The ONLY thing that would make this holiday better would be my sister. She has to work. I have always dreamed for cooking Thanksgiving dinner with my sister. What fun. Perhaps one day.

From my family to yours......Happy Thanksgiving. Surround yourself with those you love. Eat way too much. And, laugh until your belly hurts.

Basking in the glow of the New Moon

As posted previously, my friend and I had tickets to the premier of New Moon. Now, I come from a smallish town in Montana. Though we have a new theatre that features 14 stadium seating auditoriums, I had envisioned that one or perhaps two would be used or needed for the premier. Not so. They showed it in 5 auditoriums and every seat was taken. And, a bank and chiropractor in town rented 3 auditoriums for a private showing.

So, we got there around 8:15 for the 9 o'clock showing of Twilight. It was packed. Literally people everywhere. This is a movie that has been out for a year now. After Twilight was shown we were asked to leave our seats so that they could clean before New Moon. Out into the hallway we go and into a throng, yes, a throng of people all waiting for New Moon. It was insane. Insane.

The movie was in a word, awesome. So much better than the first. It was well acted and heartbreaking. I was literally on the verge of tears from beginning to end. The special effects were much better. The wolves were phenomenal. The Volturi, creepy. They stayed true to the story, which, truth be told, is not my favorite of the series but was perfectly portrayed. I can honestly say that I was not disappointed by one little detail. It was as good as it could have been. Edward was beautiful, Jacob was buff, Bella was damaged and conflicted. It was excellent.

I got to bed around 3 a.m., after spending over 6 hours at the theatre. I slept about 3 hours. However, I am not tired. I am satisfied. I have a silly perma-grin on my face and can't concentrate on work. Bravo! Bravo!

Ughhh.....I'm one of those.

Yes, unfortunately I am one of those pathetic middle age women in love with a pasty white vampire half her age. Even worse I find myself increasingly attracted to werewolves, particularly the one played by a 17 year old boy. Ughhh. It is sick and wrong. I feel like I need to take a bleach bath. O'well it IS all make believe. Why do they have to make them soooo damn hot??

Anyhoo, I have been in love with the series for a couple years now. I am what is known as a "Twihard." So obsessed am I that I have tickets to see the premier of New Moon at midnight next Thursday night. Actually, I will be going to Twilight at 9 as well.

Should I seek help? Perhaps. I guess I cancel myself out as I am BOTH Team Edward and Team Jacob....a happy threesome we would make.

Seeing beyond today

I am not a person who one would say is outwardly religious. That is not to say that I am not inwardly religious. I know who is in control of my life. And, I am glad of that. But, I still struggle. I am willful. I want what I want and quite often that is not His plan. Which leads me to our adoption. What if this is all me. What if this is not His plan. Perhaps it is little more than a timing issue? We may very well be right where God wants us to be in this adoption. I guess it comes down to faith. So, I am going to step back and put this all back in His hands where it belongs. It will happen when it happens. In God's time. And, I am OK with that.

Wasted Wednesday

Hahahahaha. I am sitting here in my living room at 8:22 p.m. on my day off wondering where the hell the day went. Funny when I recall the big plans I had for the day. The mess of my kitchen is calling me. Rather it is screaming at me. The piles of laundry threaten to eat my little pug man when he strolls by. My bed needs changing and remains in the sad shape I left it in when I got out of it this morning. So, I feel the need of an actual recap of the day is in order.

Well, I.... Oh, and I also ...... Alright, so I didn't do much. But, I did get a killer massage. So awesome in fact that it may prove to be my downfall. I got a 90 minute hot stone massage. It was fabulous. It was dreamy, euphoric, trance inducing. A bit like a drug I imagine. I could become addicted. Spend my last dollar for a fix. It was that darn good. After that I picked up some items at Costco. Oh ya, and I did yoga. Past that it was a wash.

Feeling pathetic. Feeling quilty. Feeling quite wasteful. Tomorrow I have to go to work. Darn it.

Aching Heart

We have been on our current adoption journey for 16 months. It has been a twisty, turny nightmare really in which we seem to be close one minute and a million miles away the next. If I had to do it again I would certainly never, ever, ever even consider a pilot program. I might have mentioned that we are literally the first family to adopt (or attempt to adopt) from Burkina Faso since agencies in the United States began carrying the program. It sounded exciting in the beginning. We were told first and foremost that it was a pilot program and therefore no clear process was present, but we were assured that it would be quick in comparison to other international adoptions. We were given a time frame of 4 to 12 months. The program offered infants which was our most important criteria. We jumped without much thought with the hope this was our destiny. We proceeded in faith.

Now, over a year later I wonder daily whether we were meant to adopt from this little heat baked country in West Africa. Was this meant to be or did we push forward despite it not being the right fit for us? Regardless, I am deeply invested in this journey. I have developed an interest in the welfare of the people there.

In August, we were contacted by our agency and informed that Burkina was not offering infants and we were asked to change our criteria in order to proceed. I was heartbroken. After 13 months of waiting for a baby we were suddenly advised that none would be available. After discussion and prayer we decided half heartedly that we would change our request for a child 0 to 3 years old and hope for youngest as possible. We were also advised at that time that our referral was near and we would receive it in the "fall."

Well, "fall" is nearing an end and we are quickly approaching winter and the holiday season. Last year at this time I was certain that we would have our baby home by now. I remain skeptical, at best, that we will receive our referral before Christmas. I find it increasingly difficult to remain positive at all regarding the subject of this adoption. I am not sure it is meant to be...I am not sure it will ever happen.

A month ago there were three of us in the program. We have dropped to two. The family who placed their adoption on hold did so because they are going to have a baby. I am sooo happy for them, but sad for me too because we had become close and I had imagined experiencing Africa with my new friend. This past week I received a call from the third family. I will call her B, in order to protect her identity. She is an amazing person whose compassion for my family is touching. She knew about our journey through emails and understood my disappointment when we were asked to change our criteria. She had just learned of an infant girl back east that needed parents. She thought of me. How awesome is that. Turns out that the baby was placed before we jumped, but the thought of getting a child in the matter of days was incredibly appealing.

For now we wait. That is what we do with hope perhaps we will see a referral before Christmas. If after the first of the year we still do not have a referral then we will probably withdraw from the program and pursue another option. For now, eat, sleep, dream, pray.

Wordless Wednesday